The Something That Was Deep Inside
by electricbluecat
Summary: Someone is admiring Seamus from afar...but who??
1. The Archer

A/N This is from the PoV of ... someone. I won't say who, 'cause that'd be telling! You're meant to try and guess on your own! All will be revealed in the next chapter, which won't be someone's PoV.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the very unoriginal storyline. The wee quote at the end is from Moulin Rouge.  
  
  
  
I'm a broken arrow. It isn't natural, to feel this way. I have this, but I suppose I'm only a pawn to the hands of destiny. Destiny sucks. I feel so wrong, yet so…..right. But this isn't the way it should be! I keep telling myself, you're wrong wrong wrong, but then as soon as I see him smile or so much as flick his gorgeous hair out of his gorgeous eyes then suddenly that doesn't make sense anymore. Why is it wrong? Why isn't that the way it should be?  
  
I suppose I can't really describe how I feel anymore. Every time I think it just comes out in a jumble and then I think about it so much to make it make sense that it seems even more confusing than it was before and I get a headache. It's not fair, to admire and….possibly love and receive nothing back.  
  
Every time he laughs, every time I hear his voice, watch him think, eat, yell, I can feel my heart being shredded to pieces slowly and painfully. And there's nothing I can do.  
  
Red is the colour of love, they say, and it's also the colour of danger, and of blood. My feelings are red. My heart is red, but then I think, what's a heart? It's a lump of flesh, an organ that keeps you alive, my heart is just an organ filled with veins and arteries and can be cut up and split with one slice of a knife. My heart is nothing to someone else. My heart keeps me alive, yet it makes me feel so wrong, what is that? Why do you love with your heart?  
  
Can you love with your soul? Your soul is just a part of you, something you know is there, and it brings all feeling to your life. Surely it's better to love with your soul than with your heart? Or should you love with your entire body, every muscle, every nerve dedicated to another? Because somehow, I feel that he's inside of my very soul, every time he looks at me, inside my very veins and that's when I fall apart.  
  
And then, there's a tiny part of me that thinks, well, maybe, just maybe, there's a possibility that he likes you. There's a hope that he cares for you in the same way you care about him. Sadly, it's only a tiny part near my knee, which doesn't hold much hope for me. It will never happen.  
  
Why is love so great, if it makes you feel this way? "It is love that moves the sun and the other stars" I mean, what is that all about? Love just sucks if you're loving and not being loved back.  
  
But somehow, in a way that I can't explain, it's dragging me down into a pool of something we call obsession. Love is an injustice sometimes.  
  
I love Seamus Finnigan.  
  
  
  
~The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return~  
  
A/N Argh! That was terrible I know, but I admitted it so don't flame me. I'm not stopping, either, there'll be another chapter, but that's because I feel like writing and I know nobody's going to beg for more. 


	2. The one for...?

A/N Lalalala. Um, Seamus is singing in this chapter, I forgot to mention that this is set when Seamus is in his 6th year at Hogwarts, which would have been 1996, and I'm absolutely positive that the song would have been out by that time. Oh..and remember last chapter I said all would be revealed in this chapter? I lied. I'm not gonna tellya. Yet.  
  
"You're the one for me, you're my ecstasy, you're the one I neeeeed!" sang Seamus Finnigan as he danced around the armchair Lavender Brown was sitting in. Ever since the Yule Ball in 4th year, the two had been an item, and everybody, well, almost everybody, had to admit that they made a perfect couple.  
  
"Get down, get down, and move it all around, get down, get down, and move it all around!"  
  
Lavender giggled and put her head in her hands, aware that everyone in the common room could hear (Seamus had a very loud voice) and was laughing. Seamus was like that. Loud, funny, centre of attention a lot. Everyone liked Seamus.. he was just..friendly. Lavender smiled and interrupted,  
  
"Seamus, I'm just going to go and find Parvati.. we're going to Hogsmeade..you don't mind, do you?"  
  
Seamus shook his head, still dancing around and singing. He stopped and went to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Seeyah" he then proceeded to jump on the armchair and shake his posterior around. "Get down!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*  
  
"I'm breaking up with Seamus,"  
  
Parvati choked on her Butterbeer. "WHAT?" wiping her mouth, she coughed and continued to stare at her best friend. "Why? Why would you do that???"  
  
Lavender sighed. "It's not him. It's me." Parvati gave her a look.  
  
"Okay, okay, it is me, but it's him too." Lavender confessed. "He's never serious enough. I can't talk to him properly. He's like… unaware he's in a serious relationship. Or, that he's in a non-serious relationship with a girl who /wants/ to have a serious relationship. And I know he couldn't handle that. He's afraid of commitment. We've been going out….what…..two years, and we've never really discussed things. I've tried, but he's not communicating. Every time I try talking, he'll get up and dance or excuse himself for a minute to go put beetles in someone's shoes and by the time he's back, I'm gone. Am I just impatient?"  
  
Parvati sipped her drink thoughtfully. "No.. I don't think you're impatient, it's just that Seamus is oblivious to what you're feeling. I don't think you're showing it enough, so he hasn't noticed. I think you should talk to him, and if he has to leave, don't let him! But if you're going to break up with him.. well.. that's your decision."  
  
She checked her wristwatch and jumped up "We've got to get back! Come on, Lavender,"  
  
Lavender followed her best friend out of the Three Broomsticks, confused and lost in her thoughts.  
  
A/N 'nother short chapter. Sorrrrryyyyyyy! 


	3. The Split

A/N Eee. I haven't updated in aaages.  
  
Disclaimer:Okay, you know the drill..story is mine..characters are not.. JK Rowling..genius..blahblahblah.  
  
(I also just realised that this story will sound awful if you don't read/imagine Seamus doing it all with an Irish accent)  
  
"Look! It's a face!"  
  
Seamus pushed his deformed plate of bangers and mash across the table to show his girlfriend. Lavender raised her eyebrows and laughed, shaking her head. "You're strange, Seamus Finnigan."  
  
Seamus folded his arms defiantly. "So you're goin' t' sit there and say that that's not a certain Picasso duplicate? It's a masterpiece! What d'you take me for, an amateur?" (A/N Irishness!)  
  
Lavender frowned slightly, more out of thought than annoyance. "We have to talk."  
  
"And I have to go give Ron a wedgie.. s'cuse me.." He made as if to leave the table but Lavender grabbed his arm to stop him. "We need to talk /now/."  
  
Seamus sat back in his seat reluctantly. He fidgeted for a bit, then looked up.  
  
"So what I do now, huh?"  
  
Lavender stared right back at him, with a pained expression written across her face. "Nothing. You did nothing. I …. I just …" she took a deep breath. "Seamus, I'm breaking up with you."  
  
He blinked several times, then said blankly, "Why?"  
  
"Because this isn't right. We're not right. We're completely different. I can't explain, Seamus." She looked down quickly after she said this, her hands in her lap. Finally, after what seemed like an age, she looked up, and shifted uncomfortably. "I think I'm going to leave now."  
  
"Lavender! Wait!" Seamus took her arm and pulled her towards him. "Please don't leave me. I can be anything you want me to be. I can be the same as you..just..just give me a chance.." He put on the puppy dog face and stared sorrowfully at her. "Pweese?"  
  
Suddenly Lavender took his hand and threw it off her arm. "You can never be serious, can you? Well I have two words for you: grow up!"  
  
And with that, she grabbed her books and ran out of the Great Hall, crying.  
  
Seamus too got up, and, forgetting his books, ran. He thought we was going to pursue her, but as soon as he got to Gryffindor tower, he found himself sprinting up the staircase to the boys' dormitories. He flung himself into his bed and closed the curtains hurriedly.  
  
How long he lay there, he did not know. Images of Lavender kept flashing across his mind. How could he have let this happen? Why hadn't he been more serious about her? After yelling internally at himself for his mistake, he promptly turned over and sobbed into his pillow. Seamus cried, as he had never before, for lost love and lost times. After several hours, he knew not how many, he finally fell asleep, into rough sleep laced with dreams of Lavender vanishing every time he looked upon her face. 


End file.
